Life seems to be where I've wanted it to be for a long time. Yes, I am missing a few of the things I wanted to fit in with the overall picture, but I'm okay with that. And I'm learning day by day that just because we get what it is that we think we want, that thing doesn't always make us happy. Being happy in life is a choice we make. We could have everything in life that we want and still be the most sad and lonely people in the world. Life seems to have a way of creeping up on us and telling us what we are missing.
I enrolled in the online college class I have been wanting to take. I'm in training to become an EMT. Wow. Even now, it's hard to believe. I didn't think I would ever be able to do this. And even now, I have my doubts, but they are a completely new set of doubts:
1.)Will I have the dedication and time to study that I need?
2.) Will be able to read, comprehend, and put to use all I learn?
3.) Can I do this by myself?
1.) Priorities are important. So are schedules. So with a strict schedule and getting my priorities straight, yes, I will have the time. And the dedication, it will come with time. So I guess this is a yes, yes answer.
2.) I hope that I will. I have a wonderful mentor that I know I can call whenever I need help on something. I have resources in my area, people I can visit with and ask questions to. And I have my instructors online. There are tests, work books, games, brochures, pamphlets, additional classes... The list goes on and on of the resources that I have. So I think that this would be a yes answer too.
3.) NO. I can not do this by myself, on my own. No one can live on their own. We all need someone. I have relatives, friends, co-workers, and God with me. I may feel alone sometimes, but really, it's just the devil trying to convince me to give up, to quit, to fail. No, I can never do this on my own, but with God, all things are possible.
Even now though, I wonder if this is the path that God wants me on, or if I completely missed the road He is trying to lead me down. I pray that I would always be ready to serve and follow Him, that wherever He would lead or send me, I would gladly go. I have my doubts at times, but I pray that He would strengthen me as He sees fit, that He would protect me wherever I go, and that He could show His love for me, even if I am blind to everything else in this world. I know that He can and that He will, because He has so many times before.
I've been thinking about a question that a friend asked of me awhile ago, and I guess I don't really have a solid answer. The question was what my favorite song was. For me, songs are encouraging, so my favorite depends on what it is that I am facing in my life. Tonight, this one is the one I played just before writing this:
1. Jesus, I my cross have taken, All to leave and follow Thee;
Destitute, despised, forsakes, Thou, from hence, my all shalt be:
Perish every fond ambition, All I've sought, and hoped, and known:
Yet how rich is my condition, God and heaven are still my own!
2. Let the world despise and leave me, They have left my Savior, too;
Human hearts and looks deceive me; Thou art not, like man, untrue;
And, while Thou shalt smile upon me, God of wisdom, love, and might,
Foes may hate, and friends may shun me; Show Thy face, and all is bright.
3. Man may trouble and distress me, 'Twill but drive me to Thy breast;
Life with trials hard may press me, Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.
O 'tis not in grief to harm me, While Thy love is left to me;
O 'twere not in joy to charm me, Were that joy unmixed with Thee.
4. Haste thee on from grace to glory, Armed by faith and winged by prayer;
Heaven's eternal day's before thee, God's own hand shall guide thee there.
Soon shall close thy earthly mission, Swift shall pass thy pilgrim days,
Hope shall change to glad fruition, Faith to sight, and prayer to praise. (*)
Lately, this has been my song, that I would live for Him and for others, and not let the hurt of man blind me to the love of my Saviour. I pray that we all could remain strong in our faith and love towards our Heavenly Father, that we would lift up and encourage those fellow travelers on the way, and that we would desire to one day be with our Saviour in Heaven.
To the saints and faithful brethren in Christ which are at Colosse: Grace be unto you, and peace, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
We give thanks to God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you,
Since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus, and of the love which ye have to all the saints,
For the hope which is laid up for you in heaven, whereof ye heard before in the word of the truth of the gospel;
Which is come unto you, as it is in all the world; and bringeth forth fruit, as it doth also in you, since the day ye heard of it, and knew the grace of God in truth:
As ye also learned of Epaphras our dear fellowservant, who is for you a faithful minister of Christ;
Who also declared unto us your love in the Spirit.
For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;
That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God;
Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness;
Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light:
Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son:
In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins:
Who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature:
For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:
And he is before all things, and by him all things consist.
And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence.
For it pleased the Father that in him should all fulness dwell;
And, having made peace through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven.
And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled
In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight:
If ye continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel, which ye have heard, and which was preached to every creature which is under heaven; whereof I Paul am made a minister;.
(*) Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken
Henry Francis Lyte, 1824
Hymns and Songs of Zion, #387